Everyone is fighting for their freedom and survival. Be it with themselves or outside forces. After spiraling to the depths of my mind I realized I am at war with who I no longer want to be. I've worn many masks, gotten raises and made achievements that have stroked my ego. Been dormant, fearful and dabbled in self sabotage. The water is murky and soon it being to rise, threatening to wash away all we stand on.
The wind begins to whisper my name, the sun is trying to relay a message. Upon rising she, the sun, reflects on buildings into my room, warming me with her light. I rise and dedicate the day to gratitude, allowing my heart to wrap around all I've taken for granted. Many miracles will happen during this time, you are no exception.
These days I only have strength to lay watching the clouds roll, they are quiet and move with ease. I laid for so long exploring the walls of my mind, peeling layers and licking wounds. Minutes turn to hours and day turns to night. I migrate to the tub and begin to dream, the water turns cold and the bubbles are gone. The wind is whisper my name again. It is sharp, clear and cuts through codependency and and paralyzing fear.
Here I am, having filled a tub with tears when I realized this is the pause I prayed for. In journals, to the moon on bended knees. "God please make a way for me to be still and rest, allow me to catch up to myself. Allow us to remember that we are messengers."
The wind is calling my name again, I crack open and breathe air into my lungs so the light may shine through. I am soft and trust that truth is a stable ground. I am worthy, of my own love, patience and praise. She says "being in service to another without allowing service to self, messes with the ebb and flow of life." I crack open and breathe deep.
I drain my bath and rise anew. Staring at my reflection in the mirror getting lost in the brown of my eyes. I ran fast, I ran far and I am winded. Dear world, last night I dreamed of freedom and you were there.
I hear the wind call my name.