I’ve been here before… sure I have.
What felt and seemed like the bottom.
I had accidentally slipped… again.
It was cold, dark, and overrun with silence.
the kind that rings in your ears…
make you wonder why it was quiet
in the first place.
This feeling of falling is incredibly familiar.
… … i began to remember i could stop falling.
so i caught myself
in mid air…
I reached out my hand and
someone held out there’s.
I stood on the cold,dark,vices and grew taller.
A door appeared and I walked out of the darkest part of my mind.
Everyone is fighting for their freedom and survival. Be it with themselves or outside forces. After spiraling to the depths of my mind I realized I am at war with who I no longer want to be. I've worn many masks, gotten raises, and made achievements that have stroked my ego. Been dormant, fearful, and dabbled in self-sabotage. The water is murky and soon it begins to rise, threatening to wash away all we stand on.
The wind begins to whisper my name, the sun is trying to relay a message. Upon rising she, the sun, reflects on buildings into my room, warming me with her light. I rise and dedicate the day to gratitude, allowing my heart to wrap around all I've taken for granted. Many miracles will happen during this time, you are no exception.
These days I only have the strength to lay watching the clouds roll, they are quiet and move with ease. I laid for so long exploring the walls of my mind, peeling layers, and licking wounds. Minutes turn to hours and day turns to night. I migrate to the tub and begin to daydream, the water turns cold and the bubbles are gone. The wind is whispering my name again. It is sharp, clear, and cuts through codependency, self-doubt, and paralyzing fear.
Here I am having filled a tub with tears when I realized this is the pause I pray for. In journals, to the moon on bended knees. "God please make a way for me to be still and rest, allow me to catch up to spirit. Allow us to remember that we are messengers."
The world jolted and without missing a beat created a new hum. The wind is calling my name again, I crack open and breathe air into my lungs so the light may shine through. I am soft and trust that truth is a stable ground. I am worthy, of my love, patience, and praise. She says "being in service to another without allowing service to self, messes with the ebb and flow of life." I crack open and breathe deep.
Forgetting to remember, only to forget again, will keep you dizzier than a dreidel. I drain my bath and rise anew. Staring at my reflection in the mirror lost in the brown of my eyes, I ran fast, I ran far and I am winded. Dear World, last night I dreamed of freedom and you were there.
I hear the wind call my name.